September, be kind.

Honestly, I'm bad at keeping up with blogs. I have three others in rotation right now, each suffering from some degree of neglect. Still, despite the three, I don't have a place just to write.

Tonight, I drove home from Roanoke with one of my roommates, watching out the window as the fog rolled in over the mountains, and I realized that I may not be in this place much longer. Graduation is in four months and then...what? I feel like I'm standing on a giant cliff, overlooking a vast abyss. My hands are shaking with adrenaline, with excitement at the flight but terror at the fall. Maybe it's melodramatic, but I'm an overachieving first-born. My room is a mess, but my calendar is pristine. I want my life to be in order, perfectly planned and scheduled, but reality never cooperates. Now, I feel as if I'm faced with the biggest question in my life: what do I want?

Do I want clarity or do I want control?

God never promises that we will know the future, only that He will remain faithful in it. Maybe unknowing is a kind of faith in itself. Maybe it's the free-fall towards a future completely vague and undetermined, and maybe it's being okay with that.

Well, at least I have four months to figure it out.